


Perfectly Happy Endings

by bluemermaid



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-02 08:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2806337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemermaid/pseuds/bluemermaid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marietta sees Cho in the paper and has a setback of emotional angst.  Because life doesn't have perfectly happy endings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfectly Happy Endings

"Oh, look," says Zacharias, on an otherwise normal Tuesday afternoon. "Your girlfriend's in the paper."

"What?" Marietta is distracted, because she's sewing. Marietta hates sewing, but for some reason she's been unable to properly charm the fraying edges of her robes back together. The seams always come out crooked when she charms them. So she's doing it manually, and cursing her stupid fingers for getting lazy with spell work. She's distracted, and so her heart doesn't jolt to a stop until Zacharias tosses the newspaper into her lap and Cho Chang is staring up at her.

Well, actually, she isn't. Cho Chang isn't staring up at anyone, because she's too busy kissing Ginny Weasley. It's funny, because Marietta was just cursing her inability to use magic, and now she wishes that there were no magic here, because then it would be so much easier to look. But it's a magical photo in her lap, and Cho and Ginny are moving within it, pressing their lips together and grinning at one another, and providing Marietta with all the details she needs to have nightmares for at least a week.

"What the hell is this?" Marietta demands, looking up at Zacharias, and catching him Looking at her. It's a look she hasn't seen for quite some time. It's his, "I Know You're Thinking About Cho" Look.

"The social page," Zacharias says, covering up his Look with a blank expression, though he knows Marietta has already seen it. "Apparently Quidditch players aren't allowed to kiss girls, because the paper's lost its damn mind over it."

She hasn't even read any of the letters on the page; the ink blurs every time she glances down. The picture is all she can see. Marietta closes her eyes briefly and tells herself to stop acting like a child. She forces herself to scan the article. _"Harpies Star Seeking For Another Team?"_ Marietta cannot help but laugh as she continues reading. "What will poor Harry Potter say," she quotes, and gives Zacharias an old Look of her own, the "Let's Laugh at Harry Together" Look.

But Zacharias isn't buying it. "You're upset about this," he says bluntly, never one for playing mind games or dancing around problems. It's what Marietta loves best about Zacharias, his cold, no-nonsense honesty. It's always been refreshing in a world of people who think they have to be nice, even when they'd rather not be.

"I am not upset about this," Marietta replies, scoffing and rolling her eyes. "I've hardly even seen Cho lately. Why should I be upset? That's over and done with. I don't feel a thing."

He's watching her carefully. Marietta stares him down, tilting her head and widening her eyes, mocking his seriousness. "Of course you don't," he says eventually, smiling. "You've got me, haven't you? I'd wager I'm a right better kisser than Cho Chang. Loads better than Potter, too, obviously, if Weasley's got to go elsewhere to get her kicks."

"Yes, but we already knew you were better than Potter," says Marietta, and she laughs. She touches Zacharias's hand and feels all right again, safe in her home with her man beside her. This is where she belongs; she has always felt safe here. 

But the paper burns in her lap, and her eyes itch to look again at two young women kissing.

*****

Cho still has the most beautiful smile; it lights up her entire face and makes anyone who is the focus of it feel as though they are the most important person in the room. "Oh my goodness, Marietta! It's been weeks, hasn't it?" Cho rushes forward and envelops Marietta in a very tight hug that leaves Marietta breathless. "I've missed you terribly, my friend, how are you?"

"I'm all right," says Marietta, flushed and grinning. Her body tingles everywhere Cho's touched her. She sits awkwardly, and exhales. This is going to be okay. 

She felt ridiculous at first, Floo calling Cho and asking her to lunch. Usually Cho is the one who calls Marietta, because Marietta always feels ridiculous doing so. It's because of Zacharias and his Looks; it's because of their history; it's because Marietta still doesn't feel worthy of Cho, even after all this time. But of course Cho was thrilled by the call, and seemed almost relieved to make plans with Marietta. 

They didn't talk about the photo. Cho asked if she could bring a friend along; Marietta said that would be fine. It made Marietta nauseous.

"Good to see you," Ginny says, shaking Marietta's hand over the table. "This one says you're a wonderful person, and I do try to keep an open mind, you know. For her sake." She laughs and plants a casual kiss on Cho's cheek. 

Cho looks away from the both of them and closes her eyes; it happens quickly, but Marietta sees it all the same. Cho is smiling again when she looks back. "This is nice," she says, and sounds like she truly means it. "We'll have a lovely little chat about what we've been up to."

What Cho has been up to is a flurry of activity, of living. She's worked in tea shops and seamstresses', she's written articles for the Prophet, she's explored the world. Marietta feels small and useless with her wasted life; she's spent all of her time holed up with Zacharias, living off his family's riches and avoiding the reality of life.

Cho's latest venture is trying out for professional Quidditch, though she did not make the team, unfortunately. "It was rather upsetting," Cho says, tracing the edge of her glass, as they sit over drinks in a small cafe. "But I'm still finding myself, you know? Exploring the world and all that. I think I'm happier on the sidelines, anyway. Cheer on my friends." She smiles at Ginny.

"Cheer and a whole lot more than that," Ginny says cheekily, and nudges Cho. Cho makes a little noise of discomfort, then dissolves into giggles. "It's all right, you know," Ginny tells her, rolling her eyes. "She already knows. The whole bloody world knows about it."

"Oh, I know," Cho says quietly, avoiding Marietta's eye. Marietta isn't sure where to look, either; she's shredding her napkin below the table's edge. "It's still very new to me, though. And, Mari." She hesitates, bites her lower lip. "Mari never really knew that side of me."

And then Marietta feels like flipping the table. The rage is so sudden it makes her head spin; it makes her skin flush, and a wave of goosebumps crashes over her. Her eyes hurt, her hands hurt, and her legs start shaking. Marietta purses her lips and struggles to think, to keep herself aware within this moment. This is not a sensible reaction, she tells herself. Her nails are digging into her palms.

"So what?" Ginny asks. "This isn't Hogwarts anymore, Cho. We're all adults here. We've all grown up and changed, and we've changed a lot, I'd wager. I was snogging Harry Potter back at Hogwarts, and look where I am now. It doesn't matter what we used to be. Isn't that right, Marietta?"

She's so overwhelmed she doesn't even register the slight, the way she normally would when somebody makes an unsaid reference to her past transgressions. Instead, Marietta is still struggling to understand why she never really knew that side of Cho, when all she ever dreamed of night after night was knowing it. But she'd thought it hadn't existed back then, and she'd thought it never would exist, right up until the photograph of Cho kissing Ginny was tossed into her lap. Cho had that side, and she'd chosen Ginny with it. It wasn't about not kissing girls, after all; it was always just about not kissing Marietta.

"Mari, are you all right?" Cho asks, and she looks so concerned, so sweet, that Marietta forces herself to nod and swallow and plaster something like a smile on her face. Even after all this time, it hurts her to disappoint Cho, even as Cho disappoints Marietta time and time again.

"She's jealous," Ginny says, and Marietta stares at her, startled, until Ginny laughs and it's all nothing but a funny, funny joke. "What are you up to, anyway? Cho hasn't told me too much."

Marietta has been up to nothing when compared with the women sitting before her. She's been sitting around waiting and wondering when her life would begin. "I live with my boyfriend," she manages to say, as a tumbling nausea riles her stomach at the very thought of him. "Zacharias Smith."

Ginny makes a face. "That prat? Please tell me he's improved since I crashed my broom into him." Her laugh is so happy and innocent, the laughter of a girl with no realization whatsoever of the turmoil happening right in front of her. Ginny Weasley has already suffered her trials; she's in the daylight now, she's in the winner's circle. To the victor goes the spoils, and Ginny's won the war.

"I didn't think that was very nice," Cho says. "Even if Zacharias Smith wasn't very nice."

"No, he isn't," Marietta cuts in. Her voice is deafeningly loud to her own ears, but Ginny and Cho don't seem to notice. "But that's why I like him. He doesn't sugarcoat things. He just tells it like it is, and I find that admirable." Despite everything that is going on in this present moment, Marietta still feels a rush of affection for her Zacharias when she talks about him. So there is always that.

"I'd think there's a difference between honesty and cruelty," Ginny says, and then jumps visibly. It is obvious what has happened, and Marietta glares at Cho, who is flushing. Ginny continues like she wasn't just kicked under the table. "But we're glad you're happy, of course."

Cho smiles. "Yes, we definitely are, Mari," she adds, her voice full of emotion. "I always wanted you to be happy."

"Of course you did," Marietta says, with yet another one of her fake "Talking to Cho about feelings" smiles. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Always," Cho replies.

Marietta wonders why she is doing this. She's been so _good_ lately, spending less time with Cho and not even thinking about her old dreams and wishes, her old want. She's moved on with Zacharias and started her own life, or at least she's been attempting to. She's had dreamless nights, and she's had nights filled with Zacharias and his banter, which still manages to both irritate and excite her simultaneously. Marietta has been okay; she's given up on Cho. And so she doesn't know why she is doing this.

Then Ginny leans over and kisses Cho's neck. Cho giggles and gives Ginny a look of utter devotion. And Marietta remembers.

*****

"Where the hell have you been?" Zacharias demands, the moment Marietta gets home. 

She steps out of their fireplace (Marietta has never been fond of Apparition) and dusts her robes off, sighing as she does so. "You couldn't even wait for me to get into the actual room," she says tiredly. "It's the Inquisition from the jump."

"Of course it is," Zacharias tells her. "Would you really expect anything less from me?" He grins, but Marietta doesn't think he looks very happy.

"No, I wouldn't," she says grumpily, and collapses onto the couch. "I was just out, all right? I wasn't aware I needed to provide a detailed itinerary." His Look says it all. Marietta huffs loudly and turns away from him. "Nothing happened."

"Obviously nothing _happened_ ," he replies, and sit down heavily beside her. Their bodies don't touch, but Marietta can feel his heat beside her, and it makes her feel incredibly guilty. She wants to turn and bury her face in his neck, inhale his scent and feel okay again. But at the moment she doesn't feel like she deserves any comfort from him. Still, she allows her hand to wander over and grasp his forearm. She can practically feel him struggling to stay angry at her. "Nothing is ever going to happen. Doesn't mean you don't want it to. That's what I object to."

"But how can you control a person's feelings?" Marietta asks, without really expecting an answer. She just needs a place to speak into the air. "Merlin knows I've tried. They keep coming back."

"What is it about Cho Chang, anyway?" Zacharias asks sourly. "She's an insensitive fool."

"Then I guess I have a type," Marietta says, almost without thinking. Even when she is upset, her urge to banter with Zacharias overcomes. It almost makes her cry, but not tears of sadness. She looks at him, and she grins.

Zacharias laughs. "Insensitive I'll own," he says. "But only that, and only because I'm feeling generous this evening."

"Then be generous with me," Marietta replies, "and forgive my confusion. I just think it's all the history between Cho and me. She was my first real friend, and basically the only friend I had during my troubled time. She was the first person I loved."

"And old Zacharias comes in second place, eh? Old Zacharias gets no credit for visiting you in the Hospital Wing when you looked like a ghoul?"

"I did not look like a ghoul," Marietta snaps, and touches her cheek. Her face always itches when she thinks about That Time, though the scars have since faded almost to nothing. She can actually show herself in public nowadays without feeling like she ought to have a Disillusionment Charm cast over her head.

"Just forget about her," Zacharias says with a shrug, as though it's so simple. "Stop seeing her and spend more time in bed with me. I'll make you forget her." He laughs.

Marietta sighs. "I know, I know," she says. "I should just stop seeing her. But I just had to know, Zacharias. I had to know why she would pick Ginny over me." Saying the words out loud makes her stomach ache.

"Well, I already answered that question earlier," Zacharias tells her, and he moves his arm out of her grip. Marietta panics until he slips that arm around her neck, and then she snuggles into his side and feels a million times better. "Because she's an insensitive fool."

"Oh," says Marietta quietly; she puts her hand on his chest. "Zacharias, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Marietta," Zacharias says angrily. "Just love me."

"I do love you," Marietta replies fiercely, lifting her head to look him in the eyes. "You know I love you. I'm here, aren't I? I'm here despite how infuriating you are."

"You're here because she chose Weasley," Zacharias challenges.

"That's not true," but she isn't sure, and it's the worst feeling she's ever had in her life. Worse than betraying the entirety of the DA; betraying Zacharias is the worst.

"If she called you right now and said she was leaving Ginny because she loved you, what would you do?"

"I don't know," says Marietta. "I would probably kiss her and then regret it and come back to you."

"I'm not so sure," Zacharias tells her.

"You used to say all the time that I needed to gain more confidence in myself," Marietta says, touching his face. "I think you need to take your own advice. I'm laying myself bare to you right now and all you can do is accuse me of being a liar, because you can't accept that you're better for me than Cho."

"I know for a fact that I'm better for you than Cho. I just don't know that you know it."

"I'm saying it, aren't I? Merlin, Zach, quit being so stubborn. I'm trying to love you right now!"

"Then love me," Zacharias says quickly. He moves his face closer to Marietta's, silently daring her to take the hint.

Marietta does; she kisses him. Kissing Zacharias is a battle much like their verbal ones; they fight for dominance, pouring their fire into one another. Kissing Zacharias makes Marietta feel warm inside. It could make her wonder if kissing Cho would feel any different, but she is too focused on Zacharias's hands on her to even think about Cho.

And that's what it comes down to, isn't it? When Marietta kisses Zacharias she doesn't think about Cho. When Marietta climbs into Zacharias's lap she doesn't think about Cho. When Zacharias slips his hands into Marietta's robes, Marietta doesn't think about Cho. And shouldn't that really say it all?

Later, they are lying on the floor, and Marietta has her arm splayed across Zacharias's chest. She feels tired and content. "That was a bit surprising," she says. "I thought you wouldn't want anything to do with me today."

"Please don't talk," Zacharias says. "I'd rather pretend today didn't happen at all."

"That's not the Zacharias I know, who's obsessed with getting the truth out of people," Marietta says, with a tired grunt of a laugh.

"I got the truth out of you just now," Zacharias says, and he plants a kiss on Marietta's head.

Marietta feels tears well up in her eyes, tears of relief and affection for her Zacharias. She presses her face into his chest and holds her breath, holds this moment for as long as she can. "Thank you," she whispers, and the words are muffled into Zacharias's skin.

"I love you," Zacharias says in return.

"I love you, too," Marietta replies. "And I think I'm going to spend my lunches with just you for a while."

Zacharias chuckles, and holds Marietta a little tighter.

*****

But life doesn't have perfectly happy endings. Marietta does think about Cho when she isn't kissing Zacharias, when she's reading the newspaper and sees stories of Cho and Ginny going out together. She thinks about Cho when she's trying to sew and Cho is Floo calling her, asking Marietta out to lunch. It hurts Mari to say no; it hurts her all over. But she pulls Zacharias into her mind, and she tells Cho that she just has so much to do, she couldn't possibly. And eventually Cho stops calling.

Marietta lays awake sometimes and thinks about Cho, wondering what Cho is doing and who she is doing it with. She thinks about her time back in Hogwarts, and wonders what Cho would have done had Marietta confessed her love to her. Would Cho have accepted those feelings and returned them, or would she have told Marietta that she wasn't the right girl? 

Ginny Weasley is bold and brave; she probably told Cho that she loved her first. That was what Marietta was lacking. Ginny is beautiful and kind; Marietta has scars, and she is harsh. But Zacharias loves Marietta's scars and harshness, and so isn't that enough? Marietta wants it to be.

Marietta thinks about Cho, but she pushes her thoughts aside and she lives with Zacharias, as they try to find their way through this difficult life. They get jobs in shops and they experiment with talents, and in their spare time they bicker playfully with one another and do a lot of loving. Marietta loves Zacharias, and even when she thinks about Cho, she doesn't really regret the life she has. She wonders, about alternate choices and girls, but she has what she needs right now, and that is enough.

Life doesn't have perfectly happy endings, but it can get really close if you let it.


End file.
